Jesus knocks over a fence.

I find it interesting to look back at this formative event (cancer - see previous posts), now twelve years past. I see the angry and confused young man sitting in his apartment in complete spiritual devastation and feel sadness and excitement for him simultaneously. The years to come would be filled with healing, self-discovery and a foundational reimagining of Christian faith.

Sister Wendy Beckett has said that “God is coming at us all the time, we just fail to see Him.” For me perhaps, rather than failing to see Him, I chose to believe that He only existed in my “Christian sub-culture,” my tidy Christianity. I developed a faith that sequestered God to the clean places. I kept, at least publicly, the filth of the world away in the same way we once placed lepers in a colony – safely quarantined from the holy.

At the time of its occurrence, I believed that cancer had broken my faith, but, in actuality, it was broken to begin with. The two-column system that I had espoused defined holiness exclusively in terms of external actions and not on the state of my innermost self. I had fallen into the Pelagian trap, believing that I could somehow earn the favor and blessings of God. Working hard to gain this heavenly goodwill, I stood in judgment of everything and everyone that was worldly, seeing them as defiled, ungodly and unworthy.

This judgment left me divorced from the work God was doing in the world and among humanity. As the borders between good and bad shrank, so did the portion of God I was able to see and experience. My desire was to be with God, to get to heaven, but I inadvertently managed to separate myself from Him.

Now, mercifully, God was breaking through my divides – coming at me through pain, fear and betrayal.

Faith is born in pain. Just look at the miracles of Christ: feeding the hungry, healing illness and deformity, casting out demons – not to mention loving some really unattractive people. Each of these miracles addresses a sort of pain. As I look back at my journey, I see that Christ has always been addressing my pain and using it to bring my attention to the heart of the matter: “I, the Lord your God, Am One God (Deut 6:4).

The author of Colossians put it like this…

“He (Jesus) was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.” Colossians 1:18 MSG

It was this Jesus, the real Jesus, who pulled together all the broken pieces of my faith and sewed them into wholeness.

Questions to comment upon: How has Christ crossed the line in your life? What barriers have you erected? Who do they really keep out? Do you believe that God can create vibrant harmonies from the broken pieces of your life? Your pain? What role has pain played in your spiritual journey? Comment away!